Scene: While at the grocery store, rummaging through the produce section like I know what a good cantaloupe looks like (I don’t), my afternoon is instantly ruined by the venomous noise of a screaming toddler. It’s an unmistakable combination of unreasonable complaining with pure hysteria. Words, screaming, and dry heave crying are blended together like it was the latest offering from Jamba Juice.
“BUUUUUTTT MAAAAAAAHMMYY…I WAAAAAAANNNNTT (scream/cry/snot chorus) THE ROBOT DINOSAUR BOATTTTTTTT DVVDDDD (repeat chorus)”
Of course by the end of this song, Mom is so suicidal that she’ll grant Screamy whatever material object will allow her 12 seconds of escape from the constant torment of raising a child. Screamy gets the robot dinosaur boat DVD (i have no idea what kids like), mommy gets a little bit of quiet, and The Good Badger gets livid. Read more